I Love You.

 Everyone says the cliche line that you don't know love until you have a child.  When my kids were young, I felt it was my job to teach them about love - how to give it, how to receive it, how to beware when someone is giving us false love, etc.   This concept of love translates to how we treat all people, because love is not just romantic or familial, it is how we relate to every person on this planet, whether we know them or not.  I've always felt that I was the caretaker and nurturer of this precious, important concept for my kids, and that I've lived so much more life than them that this education about love was a one way street.

We often forget that one of the most beautiful benefits of having kids is that they teach us about love, too.  Sometimes it comes when they frustrate or disappoint us, because where we might give up on someone else, we would never give up on our children.  Sometimes it comes when as a toddler, they look at you, and you know that you are their entire world and the thing they love the most.  Sometimes, they teach us in a way that is a complete surprise and smacks you in the middle of the forehead.

My daughter and I had a conversation last night, much like many conversations that are happening in families all over right now.  My daughter was trying to explain to me that the pronouns we were using were not always what was wanted.  She was explaining to me that the pronouns she wants to use are she/they.  We have had conversations regarding pronouns, in general, before but never quite so personally.  She is comfortable with it, but is fearful of what the family will think of it, what their response might be, and how to communicate it to them.  I reassured her that the family loves the sweet, kind soul that they are, and will love them regardless.  

I asked them to keep in mind that just as she wants her wishes honored, she needs to give everyone grace if they don't always remember or have a hard time understanding.  I have to admit, that as open-minded as I am, I have a hard time wrapping my head around it.  I reminded them that this pronoun construct is really a part of their generation, and older generations have a hard time understanding because we have lived our lives under a strict "two-party system." I love my kid, no matter what, but I always want to keep them protected, and my fear comes to play when I worry about them getting eye rolls or any negativity.

Later, I laid in bed, trying to wrap my head around all of this "pronoun stuff".  I love my kids and accept them for who they are, and trying to figure out how this very new concept fits into what I have always thought in my 50+ years is mind-boggling.  My head kept turning it over, like trying to fit a puzzle piece and not finding the right spot for it.  My heart was also hurting thinking of this sweet young person, worried so much about whether or not they would be accepted and still feel loved by those closest to them. I was really struggling, when the universe gave me a big smack in my forehead.  

To love is to accept, even if you don't understand.

I don't need to understand it.  I just need to accept and support it.  If I love someone, it means loving all of them, even the parts you don't always understand or agree with.  

It reminded me of a talk that one of my youth group leaders gave many years ago.  I Love You.  See that period? at the end of the sentence?  THAT is what it really is about.  I love you, period.  There is no "if" after it.  No "but."  Love is never - "I love you, except..."  If you love someone, that's it.  You love them for their positives, their negatives, and all the things in between you don't understand.  That period is like slamming the brakes.  That period is a big reminder to take a breath when you are feeling frustrated, to give some grace when you weren't prepared to, and to stop and think about what is really going to come out of your mouth next.  That period is a great way to shut yourself up, just think and remember what it really boils down to.  I love this person, and I accept and support them. 

Today was Thanksgiving Day, and I'm grateful that I was reminded about this love lesson from one of the people I love the most.